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Stuff Today - Issue 7369

Tuesday 29 September 2020

Today's Wind Direction: Southeasterly

The Deeper Meaning Of Liff

DEVENTER, n.

A decision that's very hard to take because so little depends on it - like which way to walk round a park.

The Devil's Dictionary

LAOCOON, n.

A famous piece of antique sculpture representing a priest of that name and his two sons in the folds of two enormous serpents. The skill and diligence with which the old man and lads support the serpents and keep them up to their work have been justly regarded as one of the noblest artistic illustrations of the mastery of human intelligence over brute inertia.

Roger's Profanisaurus

WAIT FOR THE WINGS, v.

To eagerly anticipate the demise of an elderly loved one to fund the purchase of luxury items in their memory. 'I've got this smashing VW Golf VR6 with 17-inch low-pros. But my granny is ill and I'm just waiting for the wings and I'm going to get the 8 by 18-inch Wolfrace Spirit alloys'.

Astonishingly Uninteresting Fact

Black pepper is the most popular spice in the world

Poem Of The Day

Ode To Steve

I know a man, a man called Steve.
He wipes his bogeys on his sleeve,
And when his bogeys he has got
He sucks out all his runny snot,
And when his snot starts tasting bitter
Steve starts picking out his shitter.
Crusty bits he'll swallow down
Until his mouth turns autumn brown.
Yes, in his mouth is shit and snot
And crap and piss and grime and grot.
He smells like a rancid chippy
Because he is a sweaty hippy,
Ha ha ha.

- Kate Rancid (b. 1973)

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