Stuff Today - Issue 7569
Saturday 17 April 2021
Abstain from sex. Any child conceived today should be born on Christmas Day, when hospitals are staffed by drunks and will anyway curse you 'til eternity.
IBLE, adj.Clever but lazy.
PHONOGRAPH, n.An irritating toy that restores life to dead noises.
HALF CAFF, n.The strength of a fellow's spooch immediately post-vasectomy, ie. before he's crashed his yoghurt truck the requisite twenty times to ensure he's completely decaff.
Astonishingly Uninteresting Fact
Poem Of The Day
There once was an X from place B,
Who satisfied predicate P,
The X did thing A,
In a specified way,
Resulting in circumstance C.
If you don't read this shit, someone else will!Tweets by @stuff_today