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Stuff Today - Issue 6895

Thursday 13 June 2019

Today's Ventriloquist Dummy: Nooky Bear (Roger De Caucey)

The Deeper Meaning Of Liff

ROOSEBECK, n.

Useful all-purpose emergency word. When a child asks 'Daddy, what's that bird/flower/funny thing that man's wearing?' you simply reply 'It's a roosebeck, darling.'

The Devil's Dictionary

AFFLICTION, n.

An acclimatizing process preparing the soul for another and bitter world.

Roger's Profanisaurus

SUPERMARKET SMACK, n.

Special Brew.

Astonishingly Uninteresting Fact

In the U.S. the most common excuse made to get out of paying a ticket is to say they missed the sign

Poem Of The Day

No. 49

On being a student...

Our lounge had half a motorbike
on newspaper on the floor
There was a guy living under our stairs
he was there for a month or more

And a Smiths fan called Alan
studying to be an architect
built a tomb for himself out of beer cans
in the garden one night while wrecked

There were hotknives in the kitchen
and never a scrap of food to be seen
strangers all over the house
new life forms destroyed, if ever the cooker was cleaned

Beer more urgent than heating.
the bath full of cold Diamond White
The house was a shithole
but it was a party every night.

- Zen Joel

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