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Stuff Today - Issue 6841

Saturday 20 April 2019

National Jibbing Out Of Things Day

Today's Tea: Lapsang Souchong

The Deeper Meaning Of Liff

OUNDLE, vb.

To walk along leaning sideways, with one arm hanging limp and dragging one leg behind the other. Most commonly used by actors in amateur productions of Richard III, or by people carrying a heavy suitcase in one hand.

The Devil's Dictionary

TZETZE (OR TSETSE) FLY, n.

An African insect (Glossina morsitans) whose bite is commonly regarded as nature's most efficacious remedy for insomnia, though some patients prefer that of the American novelist (Mendax interminabilis). ?

Roger's Profanisaurus

BATMOBILE, n.

Descriptive of the state of one's brass eye after a particularly hot Ruby Murray. 'I had a real ring stinger at the Curry Capital, formerly the Rupali Restaurant, last night. My arse is like the back end of the batmobile.'

Astonishingly Uninteresting Fact

The largest pig on record was a Poland-China hog named Big Bill, who weighed 2,552 lbs

Poem Of The Day

Washing Up In The Nude

When Sarah does the dishes
She's as naked as the fishes.
Before she grabs that cloth
She throws her clothes right off.
And when she's done this strip,
Her crockery she'll dip
Into the frothing bowl
At the level of her hole.
As you admire her ass
She'll deftly rinse a glass.
Gaze upon her jugs
And she'll scrub her coffee mugs.
And in this state of nudity
She'll scour her pans of bits of crudités.
Then dry them with great care
On her bounteous pubic hair.

So let us all join Sarah
And become a little barer.
Get into the pink
As you approach the kitchen sink.
Now there's no more trouble
When you swirl those foaming bubbles
That everybody loathes
When they splash and wet your clothes.
Wash up in the nuddy
With your partner or a buddy;
All that bare-skin flesh'll
Make washing up so special.
It could become quite fashionable
To do this job au naturel.
There's really nothing rude
About washing up in the nude.

- Mike Stools (b. 1962)

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