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Stuff Today - Issue 6960

Saturday 17 August 2019

National No Shopping Day

Today's Richard Dadd Painting: The Faery Feller's Master Stroke

The Deeper Meaning Of Liff

SCRONKEY, n.

Something that hits the window as a result of a violent sneeze.

The Devil's Dictionary

ARDOR, n.

The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.

Roger's Profanisaurus

ADAM ANT, give her an

To inscribe a white line across a lady's face using one's naughty paintbrush, in a style reminiscent of the briefly popular eighties pistol-waving dandy highwayman's makeup. To lob ropes over the bridge of a bird's nose.

Astonishingly Uninteresting Fact

When Nylons first went on sale in the United States in 1940, four million pairs were sold in only a few days

Poem Of The Day

Dining At The 'Y'

I'm dining at the 'Y' tonight
There's sushi on the menu.
I don't just lick my lips
When I'm at my favourite venue.
It's up the Salmon Canyon
On the edge of Tuna Town
It's a place I'm always welcome
And I'd never let it down.

A tasty bit of clam I like;
It really perks me up,
And nibbling on the olive whilst drinking
From the furry cup.
The special vinaigrette that pours
Upon the luscious lettuce
Never leaves me any doubt
About what my best bet is.

I went there just a week ago
But had a bad surprise
All was soused in ketchup
And it wasn't very nice
Tonight I'm told it's good and clean
And for the second course
I'll bring along my special brand
Of salted tartare sauce.

So if you're feeling peckish
And you want a bit of muffin
Or a tasty bit of kipper
I will tell you this for nothing.
The only place to go to if you
Want some hairy pie
Is up the Velcro Triangle -
Go dining at the 'Y'.

- Mike Stools (b. 1962)

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